Hey, Stranger

Well, it has been a few years! I am back an hope to post regularly. You might notice a couple of extra pages added to the WordPress website. One is the calendar for St. Elizabeth Ministry. My home is open during the week for gathering in face-to-face community. My passion for motherhood and supporting mothers is expressed in this ministry which blesses me with beautiful relationships and connection. Secondly, a page to link to the MachTarok website, the creation of my nephew, son and daughter. You can read about it in my latest blog here.

It is great to be back.

A New Interest

Catholic faith, kolaches, sausage, and cards are the hallmarks of Czech culture in our home.   I’ll admit that I was slow at getting to the cards part of the culture.  Let me explain.  I’m not Czech, but my mixed European background and love for faith and family made marrying into a Czech family a perfect fit.  That was nearly 30 years and 9 children ago!  The kolaches and sausage entered the picture at the wedding, but learning to play Taroky, well, that took a world-wide lockdown before I would agree to learn.

My husband Patrick has played Taroky or “cards” since he was a little boy.  His love for the game spilled over to the kids.  As soon as they were able to learn, he taught them.  The hitch was that it required 4 players.  Let’s just say some kids burned out on the game faster than others, and Patrick was limited to playing at the Westfest Tournament and an occasional Ft. Worth tournament in between working and raising our gaggle of kids.  Fast forward to 2020.  Our two youngest children enjoyed playing with their dad, but needed a fourth player.  I finally agreed to learn.  After one evening of playing, I was hooked!

It didn’t take long before all the kids were burned out on the game.  One night I was begging our 15 year old son Samuel to play.  Knowing how good he was with computers and his love of programming, I quipped that he should program an on-line version for us.  Well, he took that idea to his older sister Lauren, and they ran with it.  MachTarok.com was created, and Patrick and I were the first Beta testers.  But, the idea didn’t just stop with an on-line game.  Lauren created a personalized deck of cards using family photos spanning six generations.  She used photos of their grandparents, both sets of great grandparents and one set of great great grandparents as the Kings and Queens.  She and Samuel are portrayed as the Skyz (the highest trump card in the deck often portrayed as a joker) demonstrating the art and computer side of the game.  The various trump cards portray pictures of parents, siblings and extended family, all labeled with names of those in the photo.  The design on the back of the cards is the endearing wallpaper pattern of their grandmother’s kitchen in the color scheme of her favorite colors.  All of the children worked together to find and print decks of cards for the entire family—a gift for the heart, soul, and mind to bless us for generations to come.

Patrick and I enjoy playing on-line and with friends and family in person on a regular basis.  We have been traveling around Texas to attend tournaments as often as possible.  This has been a blessing as well.  I have been privileged to meet other Czech families and connect with our roots during a time where so many have become disconnected.  My hope is that on-line access to the game will appeal to the younger generations and a new bridge over the generation gap can be formed, helping us all to connect to a rich cultural heritage that centers us back on God and family.  And that would be the greatest gift of all.

The Power of Empathy

So many things in Christianity are paradoxical.  Love your enemies.  Turn the other cheek.  Dying to be born to everlasting life.  It is truly a life-long process to gain the understanding and meaning of these teachings.  It is not until we experience it  or are given the graces through the Holy Spirit that we truly gain wisdom and understanding.  I had one such experience last week.

 

About a month ago, my daughter got a kitten.  The kitten was carrying ringworm and showing no signs of the disease, just her super cute little “cuddle me” kitten face.

Everyone was happy to indulge the kitten and the kitten shared the ringworm.  Extensively but not exclusively.  All 8 family members got ringworm.  Doctors visits, prescription medications, reactions to medications, homeopathic remedies, natural remedies, OTC ointment, vet visits for kitty and dogs, all totaling over $1000 and lots of time that we will never get back was the cost of this sweet, cuddle-me kitten.  We decided that the kitten needed to go back to the ranch as none of us wanted to risk getting this infection again.  The doctors all said that they had never even heard of it being so prolific and extensive in one household.  We are still recovering after 4 weeks!

 

My daughter was, of course, heartbroken about having to return her kitten.  But, she was more than understanding as to why.  After all, she had the worst case of ringworm of all of us.  As she was processing her emotions, she lay on the couch in the living room.  Daniel looked up and immediately recognized that something was wrong.  “Angela, what is the matter?”  I explained, “She’s sad because we have to send the kitten back to the ranch.”  The next moment was an expression of pure love and empathy.  He looked up at her and said how sorry he was, that he understood how she felt.  His voice crackled as he felt all the emotions and stated how sad he was when he thought our dog Max would have to go when he was chewing up all of the faucet covers.  Tears welled up in his eyes and Angela’s heart and my own felt like they would burst with sadness for sweet Daniel.  In that moment of empathy Daniel’s expression of love and compassion, understanding and sadness was so compelling it left no room in our hearts for our own self-pity.  It completely healed the pain in the moment. It was indeed paradoxical.

 

I’m not saying the problem was solved, for there are many issues in life where there is no solution, no remedy for the pain.  I’m not saying that Angela hasn’t felt sadness since that moment or that she will not feel sad in the future, for the loss still exists.  But, in that particular moment of time, love healed.  No judgement, no logic, no lecture, no attempt to justify or solve–just pure empathy.  I learned the power of empathy in that moment.  I learned what it means to be “childlike”.  I experienced the power of unconditional love.  I was transformed in that moment with a resolution to love others unconditionally as I had just witnessed.  Christ was present in Daniel and we were blessed by His presence.

 

“Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God.“  (Matthew 5:8)

Loving Self

“You’re not loving yourself.”  The words struck me dumb.  Huh?  How could I not love myself?  The Bible says, “Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”  It doesn’t say anything about loving myself.  Isn’t that being selfish?  All of these thoughts flooded my mind as I sat in the cozy meeting room of the priest’s home.  It was decorated in the late 80’s and felt familiar and comfortable.  But his words made me squirm.  If what he is saying is true, then I have to make changes and that will have an effect on everyone around me.  I don’t even know what that means, “loving myself.”  My mind told me that he was being ridiculous, but my heart recognized the truth.

That was December 2012.  My body had just stopped cooperating with me.  My adrenals were shot.  Anxiety and depression overwhelmed me. I barely had energy to walk from my room to the kitchen to make a sandwich, let alone take care of 7 children, 6 of whom were under 9 years old.  I was also homeschooling and working for our business from home.  When I felt tired, I just told myself “Dig deeper.  Push harder.”  When that didn’t work I berated myself for not being able to keep up with my duties.  When I lost my temper and screamed at the kids I felt as if I was going insane and hated myself for what I was doing to them emotionally.  Putting others first was only making me a worse person. If I couldn’t put others first, didn’t that make me a selfish person?

“You’re not loving yourself.”

Those words echoed in my mind.  “What does that mean?!” I cried out to God in prayer.  In those moments, I felt the deepest despair.  My mind taunted me with messages of “not enough” and “failure.”  God answered me in subtle and powerful ways.  He spoke to me through my family and friends.  He sent me health care providers who listened and prayed with me, while gently walking me through the mystery of “loving myself.”   God spoke through his living Word and in my heart.  I can see it clearly in hindsight–God walking with me at every moment; but, in that time and in that place I felt isolated and alone.  I felt burdened and I felt like I was a burden.  Connecting my brain and my heart was hard work and it was exhausting.

Perseverance taught me that small steps taken every day amount to large strides over time.  The world tries to sell us the idea that “loving yourself” means spa treatments, vacations, or shopping sprees.  But, I am learning that “loving yourself” means showing yourself compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance.  And while the occasional spa day is fun and rejuvenating; vacations are often restorative; and shopping sprees can boost one’s spirits temporarily, none of these will prove helpful in the long run if your mind is torturing your heart.

Loving myself has been and continues to be a process of recognizing the awareness of how God loves me.  It is recognizing my value and dignity.  It is embracing the fact that my life has dignity and worth that cannot be compared to anyone else’s. Ever.  When I remember that, I am free to love others as myself. Loving God with my whole heart, mind and all of my strength becomes easy and natural—like breathing.  My journey isn’t over.  The process of understanding God’s love for me is lifelong.  The wisdom I have gained in the struggle is precious and each day I fall in love with myself more deeply.  Not because I am a great person, but because I recognize God within me.  I can see His reflection a little more clearly when I look in the mirror.  I am loving myself.

Come Away and Rest

 

In this Sunday’s Gospel (July 22, 2018) from Mark 6:30-34, Jesus invites the Apostles to “come away” with him and rest.  The crowds had been pressing in on them, demanding attention and healing.  The people’s needs were so great and the Apostles were few in number in comparison.  Jesus understood the need for rest and rejuvenation.  Our own priest, Fr. Mike preached on this need for balance based on this gospel as well.  He was explaining our need to balance work, relationships and our spiritual life.  In the book, “Everyday Sanctity” by Sr. Nailis, this topic is addressed in depth as well.  We have a need for attachment to God, to our work and to our fellow man.  In rightly ordered life, these 3 areas are balanced.  Sr. Nailis says, “Everyday sanctity is the God-pleasing harmony between wholehearted attachment to God, work and fellow man in every circumstance of life.”  So simple and yet so challenging to achieve!  Especially for us moms, right?!

So, how are we as mothers to “come away and rest” with Christ?  Like the Apostles, our children often out number us and come to us constantly with needs for healing, love, compassion, and to be fed (literally and emotionally).  They seem to be always pressing in on us.  This is especially true when we have young children in the home.  I remember well feeling overstimulated by touch as there was always a child being held or climbing on my lap, as well as one wrapped around a leg.  I find it especially amusing in this Gospel that the Apostles climb in a boat with Jesus and sail to a deserted land, only to arrive and find the crowds of people beat them to it and were there waiting for them—still just as needy and demanding.  How many of us moms have retreated to a “deserted” bathroom only to be discovered: little hands sticking under the door, the “Mom. Mom. Mom,” chanted from the other side?  Or, if you are like me and don’t lock the door, you have actual people in the bathroom with you?  Maybe you try to find rest by leaving the home and they “follow” you with phone calls and texts.  So, how are we to respond?  Often, I respond with impatience and frustration.  But, Jesus responds with his heart.  “When he disembarked and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them…and he began to teach them many things.”

With our own little crowds of children, we too should respond with our hearts.  But, to do so requires our deep connection to the Divine.  Our weak human efforts do not have the strength and need the grace that comes through God in order to respond with a “heart moved with pity.”  Practically speaking, we have to develop the habit of turning to the Father (through Christ through Mary) to beg for this grace.  Then, and only then, will we find the patience to teach them: to teach them about respect for other’s privacy, to teach them how to soothe themselves, to teach them that they are capable and loved, to teach them how to turn to Mary and to Christ for strength, to teach them the skills to be independent and interdependent, to teach them academics, to teach them self-control, and so on.  We must not be too hard on ourselves, however.  Even the Apostles, who walked with Christ, who saw his miracles, who heard his teachings, struggled with understanding and living it out.  Don’t get weighed down in your failures or too proud of your successes.  Nothing good is done without the grace of God. What matters most is that we continue to strive for the balance in a way that is pleasing to God and “in every circumstance of life.”  Let us pray for one another as we continue this journey heavenwards and learn to respond with hearts moved with pity.

The Heart of a Mother

Love creates and life grows within

Anticipation, excitement, hopes and dreams grow as well

Fear, doubt, anxiety linger

A child is born

Emotions overwhelm

The mind and heart overflow with wonder and awe

Responsibility is daunting

The desire to protect

To love

To provide

To serve

To do it all perfectly

Only to fail.

The groping with the imperfect

Of self and child

Moving forward

Trying again

Failing again

Knowing you are giving your best

Knowing that your best falls short of what is needed

Of what is expected

Of what “should be”

Reflecting on your own mother

Loving her for her efforts

Forgiving her for her shortcomings

Loving her in all her imperfections

Realizing how perfect she was for me

Wondering if my own child will ever see me as I am

Ever love me

Ever forgive me

Knowing that it doesn’t really matter

I could never stop loving her

With that overwhelming sense of awe

That was present from the moment she first existed within me

Understanding I must first love myself

In my imperfections

Forgive myself for the failings

Embrace the journey in joy and suffering

Continue to love

To serve

To know Jesus Christ is the only way

The rest is just the feeble, human experience–

Imperfect, conditional, and wounded–

Made perfect in His wounds.

Restless until I rest in Him.

–Jill Mach 11/21/17

If I knew then what I know now

June 1, 2000

Dear New Homeschool Mom Jill,

Breathe.  I know you get really excited about new adventures and challenges, but homeschooling is all about the process, not an item on your “to do” list to be tackled and checked off.  Homeschooling is about relationships: your relationships with your children, sibling relationships, lasting friendships, and –most importantly—your relationship to Christ.  Until 4^th grade, just have fun.  Play lots of games, and do whatever you enjoy doing: crafts, nature hikes, field trips.  Yes, teach them math, reading, history, science and religion; but, do it in a way where everyone is enjoying the process.  Formal teaching at these ages should take less than 2 hours at a maximum.  Don’t worry, you will have plenty of years ahead of more “school work”.  Your kids are not behind.  If all you do is read books together for an hour a day, you will be doing just fine.  Your kids will be just fine.  Also, don’t get started too early with formal learning, co-ops and workbooks.  If you need a break, utilize swap days with friends or spend the money for a mother’s day out program.  Yes, teach them; but always through play and laughter and joy.  Host events for moms with kids the same ages.  These will be some of the strongest friendships you will ever form—and they will be for life and the life of your kids.

You are an extrovert.  Make sure you have daily connections with other moms who share your struggles.  Oh, and this cool thing called Facebook will be developed.  Don’t be fooled by it: it is no substitution for face-to-face connection and can lead you into deeper isolation if you are not careful.  It is a really cool way to share information and photographs though.  Avoid the vaccine debates.  Trust me on this one.

Do NOT worry about proving yourself to the naysayers.  Yes, your mother and father.  Yes, your husband’s parents too.  Yes, your nosey neighbor.  Yes, your sister-in-law who insists that you are ruining your children.  They are all wrong.  You know this already in your heart, but I’m here to tell you 18 years later that you are more than right about this.  Your children are amazing young adults with a strong faith life.  Homeschooling has so much to do with this because you were able to live your faith out daily with your children as constant observers.

Slow down and let go of perfectionism.  You are going to burn out if you continue at this rate.  You can NOT do it all and no one expects you to.  Especially not God.  Do your best every day and let the rest go.

After 4^th grade, add in some writing skills and teach the kids how to use a daily planner to begin time management skills.  Grade the school work every day.  If you don’t grade daily the kids will catch on and work will not get done.  They do not have the maturity for that level of discipline.  Do not get frustrated as it is a waste of your energy and rooted in pride.  Instead, take a breath and remind them that school is the first priority, so no other activities can happen until they are all caught up.  They will learn, but it will take lots of repeated effort.  Expect to see results in a few years.

Know your strengths and your weaknesses.  You are not good at grading and follow through.  Find a course to help keep the kids accountable. Don’t fight yourself on this.  Especially for high school. Find a course that teaches your visual learners on-line or through a co-op.  You’ll thank me later for this.

Lastly, take full advantage of the flexibility of homeschooling.  Take the time to visit grandparents, enjoy the good weather days, go camping as often as possible and take the time off to visit with a friend or neighbor in need.  Don’t blow off school work, but be flexible with the timing.  You would be amazed at how much can get done after dinner when the day was spent hiking and playing outdoors.

Oh, and you were totally genius to do half days of school starting in the horrid heat of the summer.  The long holiday breaks at Thanksgiving through New Year were great blessings and really did make Advent a more focused time of preparation without the stress of school.  You are also wise to teach the kids homemaking skills.  In a few years, when God answers your prayers for more children this will pay off in a big way.

You are not a perfect mom, a supermom, or amazingly patient; but, your kids are amazing people.  Don’t forget to give Patrick lots of affection and thank him for supporting you in these efforts.  The two of you make an amazing team when you allow God’s grace to flow.  You’re doing a great job, Jill, so don’t be too hard on yourself.  I need you healthy in 18 years because, well, I don’t want to spoil the surprise…let’s just say you’ll be over the halfway marker by then, but will still have quite a way to go.

With Deepest Prayers of Encouragement,

Veteran Homeschool Mom Jill

January 15, 2018

God’s Faithfulness — Part II

In Part I I told you about my prayers for a friend and my last minute decision to attend the Immaculate Heart of Mary Homeschool Conference on a Friday afternoon in July.  After hearing Ginny speak, I was moved to tears and certain that we needed to bring the kids back home for school.  I purchased a few books on my list and then headed to On the Border to enjoy a meal and fellowship with 15 or so other mothers.  I was one of the first to arrive and took a seat across from some familiar faces.  We jumped into conversation and began catching up to date with the events of one another’s lives.  Then, two women whom I did not know or recognize joined us at the table.  I introduced myself and some of the other ladies sitting nearby.  We began to discuss Ginny’s talk and I shared the story of my father’s healing at the Shrine.  Clair, who had just moved from Georgia to Texas two weeks earlier, commented on having visited the Shrine herself about ten years ago.  As it turns out, her family immigrated to Green Bay like mine had in the late 1800’s.  We got to chatting and decided that we needed to get together soon to continue getting to know one another.  As the Nine-O-Clock hour rolled around, I excused myself to head home and get to bed.  I was filled with joy at all the afternoon and evening had brought.  For the first time in a long time, I had peace about bringing my kids home to learn again.

Over the weekend, I saw a post about tickets for sale for the Edel Gathering in Austin.  It was just a few weeks away, but some of the ladies could no longer make it and the tickets were being sold via Facebook.  I snatched one up quickly and looked forward the Edel weekend.  It was on a whim that I made the purchase, so I reached out to see if there was anyone with whom I could share a room and/or a ride.  Clair was also going and offered to give me a ride.  Jenny had a friend, Elizabeth, with a room and agreed to hook us up for the weekend.  As it turns out Elizabeth had attended Texas Tech with my nephew and his wife!  Also, my daughter Allison babysits for them on occasion.  Everything seemed to be falling into place quite nicely.

The following Tuesday I loaded up the kids and headed East to Forney, Texas to visit Clair.  The plan was to help her organize her school room, but we ended up visiting the entire day.  She said that she had spoken to her grandparents and that she was a descendant of the Allen’s as well, but her grandfather told her that ‘Allen’ was a popular sur name and that it was unlikely we were related.  I agreed and added that our ancestors were Allen, but the name had been changed from Hallaux when they immigrated from Belgium.  We continued to visit and something in our conversation spurred me to want to show her something I had seen on the internet.  We headed upstairs and I waited while she booted up the computer.  It was then that she noticed the email from her grandmother and opened it.  What was the original sur name I had told her? What was the name of my great, great grandfather who came from Belgium?  And in that instant we knew that we were related.  There on the screen was a digital copy of the immigration document of Josef Hallaux from Belgium to Green Bay!  Clair’s mother and I would be fourth cousins, so that made us fourth cousins once removed–my children were her fifth cousins!  God had sent me a friend and just to make sure I knew it was from Him, God had put his fingerprints all over the experience.

You see, when I first prayed for a friend over 17 years ago–before the HENS existed–God sent me my friend Karen.  Patrick and I had known Karen from years before.  She had attended classes with my sister in college, her mother and Patrick’s mother were friends, our fathers knew each other through church and business relationships.  When we met again it was in our children’s preschool class on “Meet the Teacher” night.  But, what we came to discover after several years of friendship–those same children now in junior high–was that Patrick and Karen were fourth cousins.  I was teaching our children Texas History and their first assignment was to research how their families ended up in Texas.  It was in researching for this project that we discovered that Patrick and Karen share the same great, great grandfather; but have different great, great grandmothers.  Yes, fourth cousins.  No, I’m not joking.  Only God can do these things.  He sees the big picture and He is always faithful to those who place their trust in Him.

 

God’s Faithfulness–Part I

It was mid-July and I was feeling especially fearful about the prospect of homeschooling again in the fall.  My husband and I had agreed that we would divide our duties differently.  Since we were working together in our home-based business, we would work together to get the household chores and homeschooling tasks accomplished as well.  Still, my heart raced and my stomach flip-flopped at the thought of it.  So, I prayed.  I prayed for wisdom, for God’s will and for a friend.  For the first time in many years, I prayed for a friend.  It seemed silly, really since God has blessed me with so many faithful friends I am rich beyond belief (Sirach 6:14-16)!  But, my original tribe, The Hens, are in a very different phase of their lives—almost empty nesters—while I am still years away from an empty nest.   I prayed for a friend that could help me get through the loneliness and redundancy that one finds as a homeschooling mother: long days without adult interaction, math facts, grading, laundry, meals, etc.

The week had been a rough one.  Sick kids and stresses in our family life and marriage were taking its toll on my mental well-being.  Friday rolled around and our weekend plans had to be cancelled.  Then, I remembered the Catholic Homeschooling Conference was being held that very day.  Yes!  Yes, I could still make it and even sneak in the social dinner gathering that Jenny had organized.  I remembered seeing her post on Facebook and quickly replied that I would attend after all.  It was only out of desperation for socialization that I was attending this conference.  I still was not convinced that homeschooling was the right fit.

I arrived at the conference around 2 o’clock.  The first observation I made was how many women I knew.  Their faces made my heart fill with joy. “God has blessed me,” I thought to myself.  I must have seen, visited and hugged at least twenty women in that first hour!  As I was catching up with one mother, Ginny Seufert walked by.  She has spoken at almost every homeschool conference I’ve attended for the past 16 years.  She caught my eye because she looked particularly youthful and beautiful this day.  I told her just as much.  She was just on her way in to give a talk.  My friend asked me if I wanted to hear Ginny speak.  I wasn’t going to attend the talks.  I still was not sure that I was going to homeschool.  I was almost certain that I had heard it all before.  This would be my 18^th year of homeschooling IF we were to homeschool, that is.  Still, I agreed to go in and listen.  Ginny is always good for straight talk and hearty laughter.

I was not prepared for her talk this time around.  Her topic was something to the effect of “Why You Should Persevere in Homeschooling No Matter What.”  She pointed out all of the confusion in the world, the opposition to natural law and its infiltration into the educational system of even the youngest students.  She then went on to discuss the Peshtigo Fire in 1871 in Northern Wisconsin and the miracle at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help.  Fascinating topics on their own accord, but especially relevant to me.  You see, I was born in Green Bay, Wisconsin almost 100 years after that horrific fire.  My ancestors were Belgium immigrants living in the area at the time of the Fire. Adele Brise is a relative by marriage in my family tree and I had heard the stories of the fire and the miracles for many years.  But, even more relevant because my own father was healed through the intercession of Mary at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help on August 15, 1937.  If not for that miraculous healing I would not be here today.  My second observation for the day was that my life has a particular and unique purpose.  Like Adele Brise, I heard the words in my head, “Teach the children the way to salvation…I will help you.”  Moved to tears, I knew I would and I could return to homeschooling.  Mary would help me as well.  It was time for us to formally consecrate ourselves and our children to her.  Mary always leads us to her Son, Jesus Christ; intercedes in begging grace for us; and protects us and guards us as she protected and guarded her own Son, Our Lord.

5 Ways to Survive Life Crisis: from my perspective

 Put Your Oxygen Mask on First  

I know it is said often, but it really holds true.  You cannot help anyone else if you are down and out.  It is critical to take care of yourself and the opposite of selfishness.  It has taken me a loooooong time to learn this.  During this last time of crisis I did a much better job.  I rested and only did what I was able to do and no more than that.   The laundry piled up, the toys became scattered, the floors got icky, the weeds got taller and multiplied by ten and the kids became needier for lack of attention.  Only the critical things made it on the “to do” list: read extra praise and snuggles for the kids.  The rest will wait.

Ask For Help

When I woke up unable to move except for a few inches, I knew I needed someone to take care of me.  My husband was not the person to ask.  He had six kids to feed and love on and a mile-long list of his own critical tasks.  Who is the next capable person?  Can I call a friend?  Well, my 11-year-old daughter is very attentive and loves getting texts.  So, I texted and asked her if she would like to be my nurse.  One minute later she was at my side and did an excellent job caring for me.  Also, talk with a trusted friend and let him/her know what you are going through.  For me, just sharing my struggle brought me great relief.  It somehow made it more manageable.  A friend’s empathy and encouragement can mean the world during a crisis.

I was able to make lists and do a little planning the next day, so I planned meals and helped make the grocery list.  Then, I asked my 18-year-old to do the shopping.  During the non-crisis times I had been teaching my kids to cook and this payed off big time in the times of  crisis.  The kids also began tackling the laundry a little at a time.  Mornings are my worst as far as functionality, so I asked for help in getting the kids to VBS.  Everyone will have unique circumstances, so think about the resources available to you, prioritize your needs in order of most critical and then ask someone for help.  It is much easier for people to help if they know you have a specific need.  And if you are the one being asked, the opposite is true: just offer to do whatever you are able.  When someone is in the midst of a crisis it is often difficult to make a decision of what you need.

Look for the Positive

Having a crisis is the very definition of things going wrong.  The key here is to recognize that EVERYTHING is not going wrong.  Something has to be right or you would not be here.  For me it was all the little things: my husband poking his head in to ask if I needed anything, the kids giving me snuggles, the flowers blooming amidst the weeds, the sun shining, my comfortable bed, my caring friends… Well, you get the idea.  Make a mental note of every little thing that brings you joy and thank God for it.  He is there in the suffering with you and is patiently waiting to pour out the grace and peace for just the asking.

Minimize the Negative

It is good and healthy to acknowledge all that is going wrong.  It sucks to be sick.  It feels crappy and you can’t do anything about it.  I have had 7 straight weeks of not feeling well beginning with a case of laryngitis and continuing through this last week of reacting to gluten.  It is easy to get discouraged.  And it seems to pile up.  Mom is down, Dad’s stress goes up, the kids’ stress goes up, the house starts to fall apart, the car breaks down, kids get sick, and the list can go on and on.  Name those crappy things and cry it out if you need to.  “God has big shoulders,” Fr. Jim used to tell us.  Pray and cry out to Him and name all those things that are burdensome.  Then ask God what you should do about it.  If you can take action without causing yourself more harm, then do it.  Otherwise, let it go.  The floors, the laundry, the weeds will all be there another day and it really won’t take long to get it back on track.  Don’t get bogged down by the negative. I know, easier said than done.  But, I can assure you that you will get better with practice.  God has been giving me lots of practice.

Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt

Feeling irritable when you are stressed is a normal response.  But, try not to alienate those closest to you.  In my personal experience, I would get upset when my husband seemingly avoided me, or was short with me when I was at my weakest.  I would take his absence as a form of abandonment.  In reality, he was doing double time taking care of work, house, kids, shopping and trying to deal with his own emotions and stress of seeing me so sick.  We can easily focus on our own pain and suffering and forget how strongly it affects others.  My kids are also affected.  It is frightening to see Mom so sick and weak.  Mom is supposed to take care of them, not the other way around.  My kids take on extra chores as well.  After a few days, it can wear everyone down.  Try to remember to say “thank you” for the smallest acts of kindness.  Praise the good that others are doing.  Don’t let guilt over what you cannot control spill over into bitterness and irritability towards others.  Another burden I often add to my baggage is to take on the added stress expressed by others.  If my husband gets short with the kids, or the kids start bickering with one another, I have to take great effort to remember that is not my fault.  I cannot control others and I cannot control my health.  So, I just *try* to speak gently and offer praise and encouragement where I can.  Everyone is just doing the best they can with what they have.  None of us are perfect.

I do hope this helps you when you are in time of crisis.  Unfortunately no one is able to avoid life crisis.  Yours will be unique to you, so my story and advice may not apply.  I pray for you all that God give you peace and healing, grace and joy as you walk your journey in sickness and in health.  And I thank you for your prayers and encouragement as well.