There is no doubt that this has been a rough week. Tuesday morning I awoke feeling sluggish with a slight headache and by noon I was putting myself back to bed on the verge of a migraine. It went downhill from there as far as my energy level is concerned. I was at least able to get to the chiropractor and get a massage; which completely eliminated my headache. I don’t have a visible illness other than I always look tired–hence the name of my blog. This makes for its own challenges because most people can mistake my lack of energy for laziness or weakness; or more commonly, think that I can do more than I am physically able to do. In fact, I do it to myself the majority of the time. If you need a label for my illness you could call it Chronic Fatigue or Adrenal Fatigue. But, even then it can sound like a made-up name and it really doesn’t pinpoint the nature of the illness.
My next dilemma is once I label my illness, I am bombarded with questions about my treatment and more questions about why I am doing the things I am doing (I am taking a homeopathic route to wellness as the traditional methods have failed me thus far). Normally, this wouldn’t be a bother. I am outspoken and share my opinions a little too liberally. I am also confident in the choices I have made because of the time in prayer and research we have spent in making them. But with the fatigue, it is just extra energy that I really don’t have to spare. I am a people pleaser and desperately want people to understand and validate; so I am learning a great lesson in humility. I am learning humility in not being able to please people and trust that I am learning to please God. I am learning humility when I cannot do the things I “want” to do and have to ask and rely on others for help. I am learning humility in knowing I don’t have the answers all figured out and what I am doing may or may not work in the end. Mostly, I am learning humility by recognizing how my own actions have affected others. How my unsolicited advice caused stress, or my judgements caused pain; how my impatience when caring for a sick loved one made them feel burdensome instead of cherished; and how my assumptions caused me to overlook their true needs.
In this exercise of humility I have found great pride. Not in myself, but in my spouse, my children and my friends. It is truly amazing how my husband and children have responded to my time of need. Sure, we have our share of tears and bickering, but overall they just come together and do what needs to be done. This is no minor feat as for the better part of the past 4 years I have had to rely on them to keep the house and family moving in a positive direction. I refuse to feel guilty any longer. God is teaching us all great lessons and I am finally ready to listen and learn.
My friends are another great pride for me. I send out a simple email for prayers and ask for help with the kids and the needs are quickly filled. I have had some friends apologize for not being able to do A, B or C. I tell them not to be sorry. From my end I see God filling the needs with exact measurement. We are never in want, nor am I turning people away. He calls us each of us to action every day and if we would all respond with little “yeses” what an amazing world this would be. Yes, God is so good! He has provided me with this wonderful family and friendships; but, He didn’t stop there. He sent me encouragement just when I needed it via Scripture and blogs. He is a gentle and loving father who is patiently teaching me to place all my trust in Him alone. So, I rejoice in my chronic tiredness because it has brought me closer to Him and through the lessons I learn, please God, I will bring others to Him as well.