I know it has been a while since I wrote a post–months actually. I realize that I said I would do better, but the words just didn’t come. I just seem to be stuck in a rut in all aspects of my life. I am transitioning from trusting in myself to turning it over to God and completely trusting in Him. That is why I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot homeschool.
Let’s face it. It is an impossible task. Even though Allison will graduate at the end of August, I still have six children to educate, a house to run, a husband to love and support, and somewhere in all of that I have to find time to pray and discern God’s will. Not. Possible. Not by myself. I’m not strong enough.
I can’t tell you how much I’ve grappled with the idea of homeschooling. This past spring left me literally paralyzed at the very thought of all that is required of me. My health is steadily improving, but at the mere thought of going back to school in a few weeks, my heart begins to palpitate and the feeling of being overwhelmed begins to creep back in. I attended the Immaculate Heart of Mary Homeschool Conference here in Arlington and felt encouraged and renewed. The speakers were terrific and said exactly what I needed to hear. Yet, I still struggle with the whole idea of year 16 of homeschooling. As I browsed the vendors I prayed for God to direct my purchases because I would buy up the whole inventory if I had the opportunity. In the end, I settled on three books (for myself): one on fighting spiritual battles, one on discerning God’s will, and a third book–which I had previously owned and read, but could not find–called “A Mother’s Rule” by Holly Pierot. I’m reading them all at the same time, so I can really digest the information and have time to implement simple changes.
Holly’s book is frustrating for me to read. Not because it is poorly written, but because it is so well written and parallels my journey so closely. I shake my head and wonder how I could have read this book before, followed the suggestions and still ended up taking the wrong path at some point in time only to end up back at square one. So, I will learn from my mistakes and start back up the road one step at a time, one day at a time. I will carefully set prayer times into place throughout my day and start each day asking God what he wants of me and allow Him to lead me. I will make my to do list based on His priorities and not mine, and will be ready to surrender when the plan changes mid stream. I will homeschool my children. God willing, we will persevere through another year and grow closer to God and to each other. I will thank God for the strength and grace to do His will and praise Him for the gift of being able to teach my children their Reading, Writing and Arithmetic, but most especially for the honor of teaching them about our Savior Jesus Christ, his mother Mary and the beautiful faith entrusted to us in the Catholic Church. And I will homeschool. I will do it because He has asked me to do it. God does not ask and then abandon. He will provide the grace and strength and I don’t have to be strong enough. “I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength.” Phillipians 4:13